Day Five

My own faults are coming into play more than ever now that I'm training the mustang. I'm competitive, naturally impatient, and get discouraged. Seeing Mary leading her baby around and then knowing my own horse tries to climb the fence at the touch of the rope left me discouraged. I realize that every horse is different, and mine is exceptional because he's a three year old. So from having these thoughts, I've realized two things: 1) I cannot compare myself to the other girls or the other horses. I have to know that Sara sees everything and realizes the challenge presented in (nameless bay). 2) I have to focus on my own horse. That's hard, when Goose is trying to go through the panels next to us and (nameless bay) is reacting to Goose's fear. But if I break my focus all the time, that's not going to be helpful.

My impatience probably hasn't been noted by Sara or Cindy. I've done a really good job of keeping it in check. I only have the tendency to be impatient, and I know when it needs to be controlled. Horses are not something you can rush, especially these guys. But when I can't be impatient, I get discouraged. Its day fiveand I feel like I'm spinning my wheels through different failed ideas, trying to make that big breakthrough that will restore my faith in myself as a horsewoman. But two steps forward, one step backward, right? And those are little steps.

I have learned to stand my ground when he reacts. That's my personal step forward. But I can't get through to this horse, and I feel like such a failure, even though I realize that I'm not. Part of me wishes that I had an easy baby for my first real test as a trainer, that perhaps I'd learn a bit more. But then again, part of me recognizes that in dealing with a horse whose reaction time is almost zero seconds to any stimulus, I will learn so much more than I would dealing with a less flighty animal.

Sigh. Crappy day. Maybe I'm PMSing.