The Last Day

What a great way to end this journal! Today he finally allowed me to approach him at liberty. I'm not even sure how it happened, we were trying to haze him into the small pen to get the lunge line on him, and Christina got frustrated and went for the whip. I noticed he was trying especially hard to get my attention, so I stopped her and went towards him. It worked, surprisingly enough. I just felt it that he was ready and receptive. I can feel this horse. I can control his body with every movement of my own. It's as if there are wires running from his brain to mine, and I know what he'll do before he does it.

That's not to say that I don't get frustrated. Generally, I get frustrated when I leave the round pen and begin thinking about what to do next. My personality leans more towards doing things methodically and doing the same thing over and over; with training a horse, one cannot do that. One must be constantly listening to the animal and using what he tells you to come up with new and different ideas.

This is as good of a place as any to say it: I am so grateful for the chance to have done this. My whole life I've assumed that I don't have what it takes to be a trainer, that I'm not a good enough horsewoman because I got such a late start compared to my classmates. While I'm far from being qualified to really train, at least I have hope now. This has given me the confidence to take on a project horse for the summer. I'll be honest, I didn't read the books we were supposed to read until almost this week. I went off my gut nearly this entire class and didn't want to be influenced by the ideas of three other trainers. I've read a limited amount of literature in the past, but mostly I just wanted to see what I, Jenifer Shetley, had in my heart and soul. Now that I've read the books, I'm seeing that a lot of what I felt is written in those books. That makes me feel a bit vindicated in the actions I've taken with him all semester. With the events of today and reading the books, it makes me feel like I've actually done something right, if there is such a thing as right or wrong in training horses.

The open, trial-and-error format of this class bolstered my confidence more than anything. Nobody would breathe down my neck and tell me what I was doing was wrong. It was so freeing and so conducive to learning. I learned more than I ever thought possible, and so many doors were opened with this class.

Basically...thank you.

Day Twenty-Three

Lots and lots of leading today. He's really starting to trust me, although he won't walk with me at his shoulder. We'll work there. I feel like I'm his savior when Christina messes up, and for some reason, he's harsher with Christina when she messes up than when I do. We've both made approximately the same mistake and yet he wouldn't come near her the rest of the hour when she messed up. Why is that?

I also want to know why he'll let us do whatever we want with him when we have a hold of the lead rope, but we can't get a hold of the lead rope otherwise. He has the strangest pet peeves of any horse I've ever met.

Training is so multi-dimensional. I mean, there's the actual training part, the physical part. Then you have the planning part, which, I'll be honest, isn't that important with this horse, in my opinion. I can't plan things with him, and I'm okay with that. We're slightly left of center as it is anyway. Finally you have that part of him that just doesn't shake him, ever. He's always on my mind, I'm always trying to figure him out. Its a full-time job. I like it, and I wish I had talent for it.

Day Twenty-Two

We led him! Wow, what a breakthrough. He trusts us when he's got the halter on, and took a few hesitant steps forward. Christina thinks that I should always be the one leading him since he trusts me more, and she's walking behind. I don't like that though, I want him to be comfortable with many people. As much as I would love to keep him even for just the summer, I can't. Sara talked about how she can do a lot with a horse in thirty days, but if the owner doesn't continue it at the end of the thirty days its all for naught. That's kind of how I feel about Bob Marley. Sure I'm training him, but if at the end of the six weeks he's not ready to perform for someone else, I'm wasting my time.

I wish I could get in his head and tell him I'm not going to hurt him. He knows that, I see it in his eyes, but he still doesn't trust us. What next?

Day Twenty-One

I'm so confused by him. On the one hand, we're getting somewhere. On the other hand, we're getting nowhere. Is this because I really don't know what I'm doing, or because he's abnormal, or is this normal? I appreciate being left alone, the professors aren't coming around as much and I love being able to try things without pressure, but I feel like I need guidance. Am I reading him wrong? I don't have that gut feeling that tells me to turn back, but I don't have a feeling in the other direction either.

My dream is to someday, a very long time from now, (after I marry rich?) I would like to rescue and retrain ex-racehorses. The reason I'm not a training and instruction major is that I have had way less equine experience than these girls. I went to Kevin and Steffanie when they moved to Salem and said "Teach me." and they taught me a lot in a very short time. In no way am I qualified to train a horse, and I still believe that. Maybe that little bit of confidence is what I'm missing, I don't know.

He does feed off of me, and I off of him. Christina doesn't read him as well as I do, I guess, I constantly have to tell her to slow down, to watch how he reacts and adjust accordingly. I'm learning his language, and that feels really good.

Day Twenty 4/18

I have this feeling that he feels better with the halter on. Cindy suggested we get it back on him, and I said okay. We talked a little bit, Cindy thinks he relaxes more and lets me closer to him. Why is that, I wonder? Christina and I are on equal playing fields as far as training experience goes, and that is zero. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I have no idea what I'm doing. It's hard for me to go in with anything more than a skeletal plan because I feel what to do next. Its trial and error, its pressing the bubble. He'll tell me what he's ready for. I'll push him past his comfort zone and he'll tell me. I'll bring him back and he'll thank me. We'll see what happens tomorrow, today was too short and quite uneventful.

Day Nineteen

So close, so close! I can't really write about what I'm thinking while I'm working with him. Its so instinctive. I can anticipate his reaction to my every movement, even something so slight as a weight shift. Nothing gets past him. More than ever, I feel like I understand his language. Leaning away from me means he's getting nervous. Ears cocked towards me, neck flat means he's engaged. Ears cocked towards me, neck arched means I've pushed through his comfort zone, but he still trusts me enough not to run. When ears cocked and neck arched is accompanied with head tossing and blowing, he's getting ready to run. And so forth. But all of these things I have to sense, because I'm trying to tell him with my body language that I'm non-threatening, and that includes facing slightly away from him.

All of the A+ grades in the world couldn't tell me more accurately how I'm doing than he does, and I got my hand extended today and got within two feet of him. He'll let me know. I've never been so entwined with a horse before in my life...when I'm out there, I feel like I'm in his place and I understand him. It may look like all I'm doing is moving very slowly, but everything I do is speaking to him. Incredible.

I feel like a real horse trainer now, even though I honestly still have no idea what I'm doing.

Day Eighteen, Part Deux

Mary and I went out after dinner and I got within four feet of him. It's physically exhausting to run with him through the sand in boots, but its even more mentally exhausting to be so in control of your body for so long. Mary said that I have a really good sense of how my body affects his. I hope that's true, if only because I've worked so hard at having more body awareness myself. Its not hard, the mustang is an incredible teacher. It takes so much thought and focus...all I want to do is sleep after I'm done working with him.

I have to say, running with a mustang is one of the cooler experiences I've ever had. He's not running away from me either, he's running with me as his herd member, and that's something not many people can claim. I am his herd member.

Day Eighteen

I'll never let it show while I'm in the round pen with the horse, but internally I am so frustrated. Mostly I'm acting on instinct when I'm in there with him; I really feel like I understand him and what he thinks about what we're doing. Its not hard to figure out what I need to do to get him to understand. But now we've hit the proverbial brick wall, and I have no idea where to go from here. It makes me feel a lot better that it's baffling Cindy too. He's giving us all the signs that he's ready and willing for human contact, except that he won't step towards us. His circles around the round pen are getting smaller, he stops facing us, but his bubble is still about eight feet in diameter, and I have no idea what to do. The Mustang people said try the Approach and Retreat method, and I can see where that relaxes him but we're still not getting far.

I suppose I just need to be patient and give him time. I want so badly to have made tangible progress by the time this class is over that I'm starting to focus too much on the deadline. He's made incredible progress as far as being tolerant of humans and relaxing around us, but he's not ready to accept us as his herd yet.

Although I'm not really getting the usual Training and Handling experience, (more like Taming Wild Horses 101), I feel like I'm going to walk out of this class with a much better understanding of myself and how my body language affects horses. With domestic horses, they sometimes don't display reactions to our body language, but with the mustangs, they tell us what they think of our movements even if we barely shudder.

On a semi-related note, I ran with him today while roundpenning him, and I have to say, running with a wild horse was a pretty neat experience. Perhaps through that I can teach him that I'm his equal?

Day Sixteen

Day Fifteen

If one looked at our class today, they might have thought that we made even less progress today when in fact, today was the sign I was looking for. We honestly accidentally stumbled upon the idea of running them around the round pen until they were wore out. My thought process in this was that not only were they getting energy expelled, but we were controlling their actions as long as we stopped and started them on our terms. I'm certain we pushed them farther than they would have run, but the two Mustangs were responsive to us. They were running, but they were not running with the wild fear in their eyes that they did when we first chased them around the round pen a month ago. Their body language clearly said that they were at least listening to us if not submitting to us. Sara got mad when she came up later and we "ignored" the signs of submission Bob Marley was giving. I was not ignoring them, it was difficult to do anything with him when Goose was near him. We managed to get so close to them while they were at liberty and they were both so relaxed...I think I'm more excited about that than anything else. Tomorrow's another day.

Day Fourteen

(Written April 4)

All I could think of today was that I wished to God that we didn't have break right now. I feel like by doing nothing with them for five days, we're going to put ourselves back at square one when we get back from break. However, despite the tangible evidence that we did indeed make progress with him (the halter on his head), I don't believe we've made any true progress with him. We've dominated him without force, sure, and he's more accepting of the halter, but he's still not comfortable with anything. I've never thought about how there are two parts to things like haltering and saddling: the human has to get it on the horse and the horse has to accept it. Just because its there and the horse is not fighting doesn't mean that he's accepted it, and I get that feeling from Bob Marley on just about everything. I want to see something that tells me we're getting somewhere.

Day Thirteen

(Written April 3)

By making his enclosure larger, Christina and I are trying to downplay that trapped animal response he keeps giving us. He's a big guy to be in such a small pen. I know there is no magic bullet in training horses, but perhaps this will help him relax a little more. The first five minutes of each day are spent relaxing him after we scare him by putting him in the squeeze chute. Perhaps this new attempt will relax him a little more thoroughly...at least, that is my hope.

Day Twelve

(Written April 2)

I can't get past the feeling that his acceptance of everything we do when he's in the squeeze chute is a result of his fight-or-flight response being subdued because he knows he cannot fight. He seems like a broken animal when we've got him caged up close. But I don't know what else to do in the time frame we've got left. This has become so much more than a class to me, and I truly wish it wasn't a class with a short time limit...more than getting an A, I want to give this horse a future.