Finé

This journal's useful life is over. It's been turned in (with a few stylistic changes...ever a perfectionist). But I wanted to conclude it with this interview from my final. During my final, we were able to touch him and lead him...major steps for this horse.

Cindy: What do you think the biggest thing you learned from this is?

Jen: I learned that I could do it. I've never thought I was capable of training a horse, I mean, that's why I'm a Studies major and not a Training and Instruction major. I taught this horse something.

Cindy: So you learned about yourself. Anything else?

Jen: I learned a whole lot of patience. I also learned his language. Wild horses respond to every movement you make, so its easy to learn their language if you're just watching. We cannot talk and I cannot touch him but I can tell him instantly what I want from him and he responds.

Cindy: What would you do differently next time?

Jen: I wouldn't have started out with him in that pen, and I would have wanted the round pen to myself although I know that's not possible. When we had him in the pen, he accepted what we were doing to him because his body was shutting down out of fear. [Horses will shut their bodies down when faced with death so they don't feel anything.] Now, out here in the open, when he let's us do something it may not be as easy but its because he's truly accepting it.

Cindy: Would you do this again?

Jen: Absolutely. I learned so much about horses in general from this project, its incredible. You guys should keep doing it.

Cindy: No, I mean, in the future would you buy a Mustang and do this again?

Jen: Oh yes, I've actually thought about that. Now that I've worked with them I've come to enjoy working with them, they're not like any horse I've worked with before. I definitely will.

Cindy: Good answers! That's all.

Jen: Just don't get three year olds again.

Cindy: (laughing) Don't worry!

The Last Day

What a great way to end this journal! Today he finally allowed me to approach him at liberty. I'm not even sure how it happened, we were trying to haze him into the small pen to get the lunge line on him, and Christina got frustrated and went for the whip. I noticed he was trying especially hard to get my attention, so I stopped her and went towards him. It worked, surprisingly enough. I just felt it that he was ready and receptive. I can feel this horse. I can control his body with every movement of my own. It's as if there are wires running from his brain to mine, and I know what he'll do before he does it.

That's not to say that I don't get frustrated. Generally, I get frustrated when I leave the round pen and begin thinking about what to do next. My personality leans more towards doing things methodically and doing the same thing over and over; with training a horse, one cannot do that. One must be constantly listening to the animal and using what he tells you to come up with new and different ideas.

This is as good of a place as any to say it: I am so grateful for the chance to have done this. My whole life I've assumed that I don't have what it takes to be a trainer, that I'm not a good enough horsewoman because I got such a late start compared to my classmates. While I'm far from being qualified to really train, at least I have hope now. This has given me the confidence to take on a project horse for the summer. I'll be honest, I didn't read the books we were supposed to read until almost this week. I went off my gut nearly this entire class and didn't want to be influenced by the ideas of three other trainers. I've read a limited amount of literature in the past, but mostly I just wanted to see what I, Jenifer Shetley, had in my heart and soul. Now that I've read the books, I'm seeing that a lot of what I felt is written in those books. That makes me feel a bit vindicated in the actions I've taken with him all semester. With the events of today and reading the books, it makes me feel like I've actually done something right, if there is such a thing as right or wrong in training horses.

The open, trial-and-error format of this class bolstered my confidence more than anything. Nobody would breathe down my neck and tell me what I was doing was wrong. It was so freeing and so conducive to learning. I learned more than I ever thought possible, and so many doors were opened with this class.

Basically...thank you.

Day Twenty-Three

Lots and lots of leading today. He's really starting to trust me, although he won't walk with me at his shoulder. We'll work there. I feel like I'm his savior when Christina messes up, and for some reason, he's harsher with Christina when she messes up than when I do. We've both made approximately the same mistake and yet he wouldn't come near her the rest of the hour when she messed up. Why is that?

I also want to know why he'll let us do whatever we want with him when we have a hold of the lead rope, but we can't get a hold of the lead rope otherwise. He has the strangest pet peeves of any horse I've ever met.

Training is so multi-dimensional. I mean, there's the actual training part, the physical part. Then you have the planning part, which, I'll be honest, isn't that important with this horse, in my opinion. I can't plan things with him, and I'm okay with that. We're slightly left of center as it is anyway. Finally you have that part of him that just doesn't shake him, ever. He's always on my mind, I'm always trying to figure him out. Its a full-time job. I like it, and I wish I had talent for it.

Day Twenty-Two

We led him! Wow, what a breakthrough. He trusts us when he's got the halter on, and took a few hesitant steps forward. Christina thinks that I should always be the one leading him since he trusts me more, and she's walking behind. I don't like that though, I want him to be comfortable with many people. As much as I would love to keep him even for just the summer, I can't. Sara talked about how she can do a lot with a horse in thirty days, but if the owner doesn't continue it at the end of the thirty days its all for naught. That's kind of how I feel about Bob Marley. Sure I'm training him, but if at the end of the six weeks he's not ready to perform for someone else, I'm wasting my time.

I wish I could get in his head and tell him I'm not going to hurt him. He knows that, I see it in his eyes, but he still doesn't trust us. What next?

Day Twenty-One

I'm so confused by him. On the one hand, we're getting somewhere. On the other hand, we're getting nowhere. Is this because I really don't know what I'm doing, or because he's abnormal, or is this normal? I appreciate being left alone, the professors aren't coming around as much and I love being able to try things without pressure, but I feel like I need guidance. Am I reading him wrong? I don't have that gut feeling that tells me to turn back, but I don't have a feeling in the other direction either.

My dream is to someday, a very long time from now, (after I marry rich?) I would like to rescue and retrain ex-racehorses. The reason I'm not a training and instruction major is that I have had way less equine experience than these girls. I went to Kevin and Steffanie when they moved to Salem and said "Teach me." and they taught me a lot in a very short time. In no way am I qualified to train a horse, and I still believe that. Maybe that little bit of confidence is what I'm missing, I don't know.

He does feed off of me, and I off of him. Christina doesn't read him as well as I do, I guess, I constantly have to tell her to slow down, to watch how he reacts and adjust accordingly. I'm learning his language, and that feels really good.

Day Twenty 4/18

I have this feeling that he feels better with the halter on. Cindy suggested we get it back on him, and I said okay. We talked a little bit, Cindy thinks he relaxes more and lets me closer to him. Why is that, I wonder? Christina and I are on equal playing fields as far as training experience goes, and that is zero. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I have no idea what I'm doing. It's hard for me to go in with anything more than a skeletal plan because I feel what to do next. Its trial and error, its pressing the bubble. He'll tell me what he's ready for. I'll push him past his comfort zone and he'll tell me. I'll bring him back and he'll thank me. We'll see what happens tomorrow, today was too short and quite uneventful.

Day Nineteen

So close, so close! I can't really write about what I'm thinking while I'm working with him. Its so instinctive. I can anticipate his reaction to my every movement, even something so slight as a weight shift. Nothing gets past him. More than ever, I feel like I understand his language. Leaning away from me means he's getting nervous. Ears cocked towards me, neck flat means he's engaged. Ears cocked towards me, neck arched means I've pushed through his comfort zone, but he still trusts me enough not to run. When ears cocked and neck arched is accompanied with head tossing and blowing, he's getting ready to run. And so forth. But all of these things I have to sense, because I'm trying to tell him with my body language that I'm non-threatening, and that includes facing slightly away from him.

All of the A+ grades in the world couldn't tell me more accurately how I'm doing than he does, and I got my hand extended today and got within two feet of him. He'll let me know. I've never been so entwined with a horse before in my life...when I'm out there, I feel like I'm in his place and I understand him. It may look like all I'm doing is moving very slowly, but everything I do is speaking to him. Incredible.

I feel like a real horse trainer now, even though I honestly still have no idea what I'm doing.

Day Eighteen, Part Deux

Mary and I went out after dinner and I got within four feet of him. It's physically exhausting to run with him through the sand in boots, but its even more mentally exhausting to be so in control of your body for so long. Mary said that I have a really good sense of how my body affects his. I hope that's true, if only because I've worked so hard at having more body awareness myself. Its not hard, the mustang is an incredible teacher. It takes so much thought and focus...all I want to do is sleep after I'm done working with him.

I have to say, running with a mustang is one of the cooler experiences I've ever had. He's not running away from me either, he's running with me as his herd member, and that's something not many people can claim. I am his herd member.

Day Eighteen

I'll never let it show while I'm in the round pen with the horse, but internally I am so frustrated. Mostly I'm acting on instinct when I'm in there with him; I really feel like I understand him and what he thinks about what we're doing. Its not hard to figure out what I need to do to get him to understand. But now we've hit the proverbial brick wall, and I have no idea where to go from here. It makes me feel a lot better that it's baffling Cindy too. He's giving us all the signs that he's ready and willing for human contact, except that he won't step towards us. His circles around the round pen are getting smaller, he stops facing us, but his bubble is still about eight feet in diameter, and I have no idea what to do. The Mustang people said try the Approach and Retreat method, and I can see where that relaxes him but we're still not getting far.

I suppose I just need to be patient and give him time. I want so badly to have made tangible progress by the time this class is over that I'm starting to focus too much on the deadline. He's made incredible progress as far as being tolerant of humans and relaxing around us, but he's not ready to accept us as his herd yet.

Although I'm not really getting the usual Training and Handling experience, (more like Taming Wild Horses 101), I feel like I'm going to walk out of this class with a much better understanding of myself and how my body language affects horses. With domestic horses, they sometimes don't display reactions to our body language, but with the mustangs, they tell us what they think of our movements even if we barely shudder.

On a semi-related note, I ran with him today while roundpenning him, and I have to say, running with a wild horse was a pretty neat experience. Perhaps through that I can teach him that I'm his equal?

Day Sixteen

Day Fifteen

If one looked at our class today, they might have thought that we made even less progress today when in fact, today was the sign I was looking for. We honestly accidentally stumbled upon the idea of running them around the round pen until they were wore out. My thought process in this was that not only were they getting energy expelled, but we were controlling their actions as long as we stopped and started them on our terms. I'm certain we pushed them farther than they would have run, but the two Mustangs were responsive to us. They were running, but they were not running with the wild fear in their eyes that they did when we first chased them around the round pen a month ago. Their body language clearly said that they were at least listening to us if not submitting to us. Sara got mad when she came up later and we "ignored" the signs of submission Bob Marley was giving. I was not ignoring them, it was difficult to do anything with him when Goose was near him. We managed to get so close to them while they were at liberty and they were both so relaxed...I think I'm more excited about that than anything else. Tomorrow's another day.

Day Fourteen

(Written April 4)

All I could think of today was that I wished to God that we didn't have break right now. I feel like by doing nothing with them for five days, we're going to put ourselves back at square one when we get back from break. However, despite the tangible evidence that we did indeed make progress with him (the halter on his head), I don't believe we've made any true progress with him. We've dominated him without force, sure, and he's more accepting of the halter, but he's still not comfortable with anything. I've never thought about how there are two parts to things like haltering and saddling: the human has to get it on the horse and the horse has to accept it. Just because its there and the horse is not fighting doesn't mean that he's accepted it, and I get that feeling from Bob Marley on just about everything. I want to see something that tells me we're getting somewhere.

Day Thirteen

(Written April 3)

By making his enclosure larger, Christina and I are trying to downplay that trapped animal response he keeps giving us. He's a big guy to be in such a small pen. I know there is no magic bullet in training horses, but perhaps this will help him relax a little more. The first five minutes of each day are spent relaxing him after we scare him by putting him in the squeeze chute. Perhaps this new attempt will relax him a little more thoroughly...at least, that is my hope.

Day Twelve

(Written April 2)

I can't get past the feeling that his acceptance of everything we do when he's in the squeeze chute is a result of his fight-or-flight response being subdued because he knows he cannot fight. He seems like a broken animal when we've got him caged up close. But I don't know what else to do in the time frame we've got left. This has become so much more than a class to me, and I truly wish it wasn't a class with a short time limit...more than getting an A, I want to give this horse a future.

Day Eleven

Bob Marley continues to make progress in everything except trust, and that is hindering our progress most of all. He'll do great during class and then I'll come out later that night and the next day and I have to start all over again with him, because he just doesn't trust me. Of course, the amount of time it takes for him to relax shortens with each session, but I wish he'd just settle and learn to trust us. I don't even want to think about how leaving him alone for six days over Easter break is going to set him back. I wish I could stay here, but I can't. I need to sit with him for days on end, but with school winding down its so hard to find the time. That's no excuse though: this is a living creature whose life I am forming, and that should be far more important than a normal class project.

As Cindy said, "This isn't math class."

Day Ten

Its incredible to see how quickly the synapses in his brain make connections. Although he tried to kill the butt rope initially, he learned to tolerate, and then accept it. Without actually telling me this, Cindy pointed out that I'm not rewarding him for every little bit he gives to me. He'll give and then I'll wait for something bigger to reward him for. Especially since we're beginning to work with him on giving to pressure, both at his side and at his head, this is going to be very important. I have to reward him when he does something correct, or else he'll get discouraged.

My personal after class work today got father than my in-class work did. He's giving to me, and this is important because not only does he have to learn the physical act of giving to pressure and to me, but he has to learn the mental act of submitting to his handlers. If he doesn't learn to submit, he hasn't got a chance in the real world.

Tomorrow's another day...

Day Nine

Basically, today I learned that sometimes extenuating circumstances will change your daily training plan, which should be mutable. Our goal was to get in there with him and get him used to working with humans, because the day before he was okay with it. I did not pay attention to my horse and how keyed up he was by all of the people and the TV camera, and he clocked me. We took a step backward today, but it was a step forward for me. Even though I had to take a bruise to learn it, I learned my lesson and will not repeat the same mistake again.

Day Eight

I try to be super professional about working with my Mustang. I get so intensely focused on him when I'm working with him that I don't notice anything else. Everything is slow, methodical and predictable. But today, when we got that halter over his head, I've never felt that kind of elation in my life. I called out to Cindy like a Kindergartener who just colored a picture. Highly unprofessional, but I had to share that with someone! I'm a real trainer, I have taught this horse something! He went from what he was when he got here to wearing a halter in fourteen days.

I have learned so much about training from this, even in the short amount of time so far. I've learned that you've got to know where to draw the line between too harsh and not firm enough. Some of the girls aren't being firm enough, and although I know this journal is not about them, from watching them I've learned what I don't want to do. We've had to push Bob Marley out of his comfort zone a few times, but the idea is to push him barely out of his comfort zone so he'll get acclimated to a new thing and then his comfort zone is expanded. Last week his comfort zone went from accepting our nearness to accepting our touch to accepting a rope touching him to accepting a rope around his head to today, when he accepted a halter and began to give to pressure.

It seems like once we were able to touch him, a wall was broken down and he became immensely easier to work with. He's still nervous around us, but instead of getting high and staying high, he gets high and then comes down as we stroke him. That one thing, touch, became our first aid in working with him.

We got a halter on him!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!

Day Seven

It seems like touching him really was that huge breakthrough, because now it seems that our hands have a calming effect on him and he's instantly more accepting of everything else we put him through. I cannot even describe to you the pure elation on my face when not only did we touch all over his body, but we put a rope over his poll and his nose like a halter. Not only that, but when we opened the squeeze chute back up into a normal sized pen, I noticed he did not move away from me. I found that I was able to touch him in the pen! Oh my gosh, I can't tell you how amazing that was. He's actually learning to trust us! A week ago this animal would have stood in the corner as far as he could get from us, and now he'll let me touch him when he has the option to move? Amazing! This class has seriously become far more than a grade to me. This little Mustang sure came into my life at the right time.

I did learn today that its okay to use a little more force with them. Even if they are temporarily scared, they will relax eventually if they see that it won't hurt them. By being more forceful, we found that we made more progress. Sure you have to tread lightly and go slowly, but you also have to know when to turn it on.

I believe that our plan is to do more with the rope tomorrow outside of class and Monday during class, and attempt the halter on Tuesday. I'm so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day Six

The breakthrough I was so desperately lacking yesterday came today, and I'm sure the expression on my face betrayed the feelings I had inside. I was able to touch, pet, rub and scratch (nameless bay, who I've begun to call Bob Marley). Excitement?! You betcha. His muscles were tense and coiled like mine just before the gun goes off in a cross-country race, only his were tense because he believes he's fighting for his life.

Many times during this process I've thought, "If only I could speak to you and rationalize with you. If I haven't tried to kill you yet, I'm probably not a cougar." But then if he could rationalize he wouldn't be a horse, he'd be a human, and we like horses because they're horses. If we were tired of training horses in the way they must be trained, we'd do away with them and ride the only animal capable of true rationalization: humans. Since I don't see that happening anytime soon, my wishes that I could rationalize with Bob Marley are inane.

Touching him gave me that feeling that learning I got accepted to the Woods did. I glowed and all of the frustrations of the previous day melted away in his soft hair. I realize that with horses its 'Two steps forward, one step backward,' and tomorrow a new challenge will be presented, but for now, I'm amped about today's progress.

Day Five

My own faults are coming into play more than ever now that I'm training the mustang. I'm competitive, naturally impatient, and get discouraged. Seeing Mary leading her baby around and then knowing my own horse tries to climb the fence at the touch of the rope left me discouraged. I realize that every horse is different, and mine is exceptional because he's a three year old. So from having these thoughts, I've realized two things: 1) I cannot compare myself to the other girls or the other horses. I have to know that Sara sees everything and realizes the challenge presented in (nameless bay). 2) I have to focus on my own horse. That's hard, when Goose is trying to go through the panels next to us and (nameless bay) is reacting to Goose's fear. But if I break my focus all the time, that's not going to be helpful.

My impatience probably hasn't been noted by Sara or Cindy. I've done a really good job of keeping it in check. I only have the tendency to be impatient, and I know when it needs to be controlled. Horses are not something you can rush, especially these guys. But when I can't be impatient, I get discouraged. Its day fiveand I feel like I'm spinning my wheels through different failed ideas, trying to make that big breakthrough that will restore my faith in myself as a horsewoman. But two steps forward, one step backward, right? And those are little steps.

I have learned to stand my ground when he reacts. That's my personal step forward. But I can't get through to this horse, and I feel like such a failure, even though I realize that I'm not. Part of me wishes that I had an easy baby for my first real test as a trainer, that perhaps I'd learn a bit more. But then again, part of me recognizes that in dealing with a horse whose reaction time is almost zero seconds to any stimulus, I will learn so much more than I would dealing with a less flighty animal.

Sigh. Crappy day. Maybe I'm PMSing.

Day Four

Today's objective was pretty simple: touch. We can't do anything else until we can touch them. At first, I thought this was best accomplished by going into the pen with him and standing until he relaxed. That worked pretty well, but that's something best done outside of class. I wanted to do something more active. So Christina and I used a form of a squeeze chute, and I was very happy with the results. He (yet unnamed) actually relaxed for the most part, and carried his head much lower than he normally does. We did manage to touch him, but he immediately flipped out when we did. I was happy with this: he's beginning to submit to us. While submitting may be second choice to trust, it is also necessary.

Personally, I need to learn to stand my ground more. I have to learn to be the leader in this relationship and less of a follower. He's looking for some guidance now that his herd is split up, and its up to me and Christina to be his dominants. I worked on that today and it worked out pretty well. He's such a hellion compared to the three little ones, and will take longer to work with.

I can't help but think that we should have gotten these guys in January, and been habituating them to us during the theory portion of the course. That way, we would have been ready to go now that we're in the training part. But oh well, we'll work with what we're given. At this point, I'm forgetting all about the class, the grade, and the requirements. I'm throwing myself into the training of this horse. I can't be focused on myself when I have him. Forget the fact that my semester exam *should* (probably won't) require him to trailerload and such. If he leads, if he accepts my presence, if he stops trembling when I come near, that is my goal.

Seattle's gone and I'd like to think that all the love I had for him and the extra time I gave to him, this horse now needs. He needs it more than anything.

Day Three

Huge progress was made today, and I'm actually okay with the idea of hazing them into the pens. Now that they're all five in separate pens in the round pen, things will be a lot easier.

My big bay (still as yet unnamed), does not like the idea of confinement as well as the babies do, and that's a bit discouraging, though entirely expected. Now that we can each focus on our babies, I can give him the quality time I believe he's going to need to overcome his fear of humans. I have no doubt that, in his three years of life, he's had many unpleasant experiences with humans - or at least, what he perceives to be unpleasant. Its up to us to fix that. I want to be the one he trusts more than anything, which means that I have to think about every little move that I make. If I accidentally sneeze and he gets scared, that's a step backward, and at this stage, a step backward is not what we need at all.

We don't have another class until Monday. This weekend, I plan on busting out my lawn chair and a novel and sitting with him until I can't sit any more. Then on Sunday night, I'll reevaluate where he is with Christina and we can formulate a plan for class on Monday. Some of the girls have been talking about using a squeeze chute for their yearlings...with mine, I think that's a terrible idea right now, but we'll get there eventually. Sure I want him haltered, but I'm willing to give him the time he needs to make that happen. Even though I'm on a time schedule myself, I'm on his schedule.

Day Two

Day Two - March 14, 2007

If we had more time, I would not choose to do things this way. I would work much slower and get them acclimated to us before I began hazing them. Because we only have six weeks with them, and because we need to begin working on our individual babies as soon as possible, I am okay with hazing them into the smaller pens. For this reason, I remained quiet most of yesterday. Rather than get caught up in the mechanics of the plan, I tried to focus on the horses more, even when everyone else was debating about where the panels should go and how we should go about the situation. It would be better if we could have all of that worked out before we entered the pen, but with so many girls that is a problem. The name of the game, at least for now, is teamwork. I was extremely encouraged by the fact that the light-colored yearling, rather than being scared at the idea of the herd being separated, kept moving towards us as we set up the stock panels around the little one.

I feel no fear around them. Maybe that’ll come back to haunt me later, but they’re more afraid of us than we are of them. If I act confident around them, but not in a predator-like sense, perhaps they’ll feed off of that and relax. Dealing with them is more about anticipating their every movement before they even execute it, and for that reason, I choose to have my attention almost always on them rather than, for example, setting up the stock panels.

Day One

I didn't get this blog started until Day 3, so let me catch you up a little bit today. These are more for an assignment than they are a blog, and the point of the assignment is not to write down what you did that day, but to write down what you were thinking when you did it. If explanation is needed for the blog, I'll amend it a bit.

Day One – March 13, 2007
Well, here we go. At first, I chose to observe the mustang’s first interactions with the girls when they went into the round pen, because I wanted to form a plan. I felt that they went in there without a plan other than ‘halter the horses,’ which wasn’t going to happen. We needed to break that goal into smaller, more manageable steps. For my personal goal, I said I would like to get within five feet of them. I felt that we weren’t going to get anywhere running them, although I do agree that separating them is a necessary thing. But again, if we have to break training goals into smaller steps with domestic horses, we are going to have to break the goals down into minute steps with the mustangs. While the girls were formulating a plan, I maintained a neutral body position and kept my gaze at their hip – not making eye contact - with any of them so I would not be perceived as a predator. When I saw the intelligent lightly colored one flick his ear towards me and lower his head, I took a step forward. When he appeared uncomfortable, I released the pressure. Looking back on it, I probably should have taken a step forward, released pressure when he relaxed and stood my ground when he got nervous. But that’s why we’re learning, right? I think that we’re going to have to take things slowly with them and get them acclimated to the idea of humans before we attempt anything exceptionally crazy – especially with the two older ones. My ideas differ from those of the girls, but once we get them separated that will get sorted out.

My baby (?) is going to be interesting…but a challenge I am looking forward to.

Background

My name is Jen. You may know me as Jalean06, if you frequent Xanga. I'm a freshman Equine Studies major at a tiny women's college in Indiana. Every year, all of the equine freshmen have to take Training and Handling I, where other people bring in their yearlings for us to halter break. This year, we're starting a pilot program with the Bureau of Land Management: they've brought us Mustangs to work with. Three yearlings, a two year old and a three year old. The three year old is mine and Christina's to work with. This journal is a requirement for class, and I decided to publish it for all of you to enjoy and perhaps learn from. We've never trained yearlings before, although I've dealt with Thoroughbred yearlings. The format is hands-off teaching, though our professor is always observing and will offer guidance if needed. Mainly, we're on our own.

Five Mustangs, ten freshmen, one round pen: the coolest homework any of us have ever had in our lives.